


Draco's Dad

by mellod89



Series: Things I wrote in high school and probably shouldn't post [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Fic, Like straight up crack, M/M, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 14:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2392001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellod89/pseuds/mellod89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Draco have been going steady for a while now, but Harry has a secret. He’s really in love with Draco’s Dad. How is he going to break the news? Through song of course!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Draco's Dad

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure crack. Like horribly pure crack. I found this in a bunch of stuff when I was cleaning my room. I wrote it in high school so expect the worse because I kept it pretty much how I wrote it. It's also unbetaed.The songs are Stacy’s Mom by Fountains of Wayne , La La by Ashlee Simpson, and the Meow Mix Jingle, all of which I don’t own. Here are links to the songs have a listen while you read.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZLfasMPOU4  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m0LhDiMj8Q  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JuVHCJVYf4

_Dear Draco,_

_How’s it going? I’m doing well. I have something to confess to you. I’m in love with your father._

_Love,_

_Harry_

“That’s not right!” Harry glared at his parchment.

“What’s not right?”

Harry shrieks and turns to look behind him. “Ron! It’s just you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m trying to break up with Draco, but I can’t find the right words to say.”

“Why would you want to do that?” Ron frowned. “Aren’t you guys like madly in love or something?”

“Yeah, but I’m only using him to get to his Dad. He’s so dreamy!” He sighs.

“Harry is there something wrong with your head? You’re talking about Lucius Malfoy, a Death Eater who’s life goal is to kill you so his psycho leader can take over the world!”

“I know. Isn’t it great?”

Ron shakes his head. “Anyway the band needs to practice if we want to win the talent show.”

Harry pauses, then as if a light bulb goes off, he cries, “I could write a song and sing it to him!”

Ron looks on in horror. “Harry?”

“What Ron?

“Never mind, let’s just go.”

~Meanwhile in Draco’s room~

 

*To the tune of the Meow Mix Jingle* 

“I love Harry. I love Harry. I love Harry. I love Harry. I love Harry!” *ping* *silence* “Where did the ping come from? Oh well. I love Harry…”

 

~Gryffindor Common Room after band practice~

“Yes! It’s finished!”

“What’s finished Harry? You’re homework?”

Harry shrieks. “Geez, Hermione! You scared me, and no, I didn’t finish my homework.” Hermione frowns, “But I did finish my new song for the band to play at the talent show!”

She frowns, “But I thought we were playing Maroon 5’s ‘Sunday Morning’!”

“I know, but this one’s original!”

“Really? Let me see.” As she reads the lyrics, her face grows more horrified with each new line.

“ _Sunday Morning_ is way better.”

“You haven’t even head it yet!” He glares snatching the parchment back from her.

“So, I know the rest of the band won’t go for it, nor will our manager.” Hermione crosses her arms across her chest.

“Well I’ll call an emergency meeting of the band so we can see which one they like better.”

 

~At the emergency meeting~

 

“I have called this emergency meeting because I just wrote a song that we could play for the talent show, and I wanted you guys to hear it.” Harry picks up his guitar and sings the song. His band mates look on in horror. Hermione questions his sanity.

“I love it!” Ginny cries. “It’s strange, but catchy.”

“Ginny it’s stupid!” Ron glares at her outraged.

“Ron, she is the manager,” Neville states, “Her opinion is like twice as important as yours. Besides, I like it too.”

“Not you too,” Hermione sighs.

“Great! You two are out voted, so we’re doing the song. “Harry beams.”

 

~3 weeks later~

 

“Welcome everyone to Hogwarts Idol, our schools first talent show.” Dumbledore pauses as the student body cheers. “I know everyone is excited, so let’s get started. Our first band is Green Eyes White Dragon.  Oh wait, I forgot to introduce the judges!  There’s me, Professor Dumbledore,” cheers, “Professor Trelawney,” sporadic claps, “and Professor Snape,” all of the students except for the Slytherins boo. “Now let’s get this party started!” Dumbledore walks off stage and moves to the judges seats as Draco and his band take the stage.

“I dedicate this song to my loving boyfriend, Harry Potter. I love you babe!” Draco blows a kiss to Harry, as his band strikes up the music.

_You can dress me up in diamonds_

_You can dress me up in dirt_

_You can throw me like a line-man_

_I like it better when it hurts_

_Oh, I have waited here for you_

_I have waited_

_You make me wanna la la_

_in the kitchen on the floor_

_I'll be a french maid_

_Where I'll meet you at the door_

_I'm like an alley cat_

_Drink the milk up, I want more_

_You make me wanna_

_You make me wanna scream_

_You can meet me on an aero-plane_

_Or in the back of the bus_

_You can throw me like a boomerang_

_I'll come back and beat you up_

_Oh, I have waited here for you_

_Dont, keep me waiting_

_You make me wanna la la_

_in the kitchen on the floor_

_I'll be a french maid_

_Where I'll meet you at the door_

_I'm like an alley cat_

_Drink the milk up, I want more_

_You make me wanna_

_You make me wanna la la_

_in the kitchen on the floor_

_I'll be a french maid_

_Where I'll meet you at the door_

_I'm like an alley cat_

_Drink the milk up, I want more_

_You make me wanna_

_You make me wanna scream_

_I feel safe with you_

_I can be myself tonight_

_It's alright, with you_

_Cuz you hold, my secrets tight_

_You do, You do_

_You make me wanna la la, la la la, la la, la la la la la la la la la_

_You make me wanna la la, la la la_

_You make me wanna la la_

_in the kitchen on the floor_

_I'll be a french maid_

_When I'll meet you at the door_

_I'm like an alley cat_

_Drink the milk up, I want more_

_You make me wanna_

_You make me wanna la la_

_in the kitchen on the floor_

_I'll be a french maid_

_Where I'll meet you at the door_

_I'm like an alley cat_

_Drink the milk up, I want more_

_You make me wanna_

_You make me wanna scream_

_You make me wanna la la, la la la, la la, la la la la la la la la la_

_You make me wanna la la, la la la la_

_You make me wanna la la, la la la, la la, la la la la la la la la la_

_You make me wanna la la, la la la la_

_You make me wanna la la, la la la, la la, la la la la la la la la la_

_You make me wanna la la, la la la la_

The students erupt into cheers as Draco finishes, and he takes a bow. “Now let’s see what the judges have to say,” Dumbledore pauses, “Oh right that’s me. I personally loved it and would appreciate it if you could sing it again. Professor Trelawney?”

 

“I have visions of people chasing after you when you die.”

“ Professor Snape?”

“I award 200 points to Slytherin for your great taste in clothes, music, and band members.” The students boo at the unfair point addition.

 “Okie dokey kiddies,  the next group is Lovers of Light!” The crowd cheers as Harry and his band take the stage.

“I hope the person I’m singing this too loves it!” The music starts and Harry sings.

_Draco’s dad has got me goin’ mad_

_Draco’s dad has got me goin’ mad_

_Draco’s dad has got me goin’ mad_

_Draco’s dad has got me goin’ mad_

_Draco, can I come over after school? (after school)_

_We can hang around by the pool (hang by the pool)_

_Did your dad get back from his business trip? (business trip)_

_Is he there, or is he trying to give me the slip? (give me the slip)_

_You know, I'm not the little girl that I used to be_

_I'm all grown up now, baby can't you see_

_Draco’s dad has got me goin’ mad_

_He’s all I want and I need him so bad_

_Draco, can’t you see you’re just not the boy for me_

_I know it might be sad but I’m in love with Draco’s dad_

_Draco’s dad has got me goin’ mad_

_Draco’s dad has got me goin’ mad_

_Draco, do you remember when I mowed your lawn? (mowed your lawn)_

_Your dad came out with just a towel on (towel on)_

_I could tell he liked me from the way he stared (the way he stared)_

_And the way he said, "You missed a spot over there" (a spot over there)_

_And I know that you think it's just a fantasy_

_But since your mom walked out, your dad could use a girl like me_

_Draco’s dad has got me goin’ mad_

_He’s all I want and I need him so bad_

_Draco, can’t you see you’re just not the boy for me_

_I know it might be sad but I’m in love with Draco’s dad_

_Draco’s dad has got me goin’ mad_

_He’s all I want and I need him so bad,_

_Draco can't you see your just not the boy for me,_

_I know it might be sad but oh oh_

_(I know it might be sad)_

_I'm in love with (Draco's dad oh oh)_

_(Dracos dad oh oh)_

_I'm in love with Draco's dad_

The audience is silent for a beat then cheers erupt. Draco in shock passes out.

“Now for the judges. I loved it. I also love Draco’s dad. He’s such a catch. Professor Trelawney?”

“I see a jelly doughnut crushing you.”

“Professor Snape?”

“Detention for trying to steal my man!”

Lucius calls out to Harry, “I love you too! Let’s get married!”

Severus turns to him sharply. “But I thought you loved me!”

“Sorry Sev, I want a younger hotter model.” Sev cries.

“Well let’s see who won since only two acts auditioned.  When I call the name of the band cheer for them and my cheer-o-meter will determine what score they get. Now, who liked Green Eyes White Dragon?” He pauses as the crowd cheers. “All right, their score is a 7.5. How about the Lovers of Light?” He pauses again, and this time the cheers are even louder. “Woo! It appears that the Lovers of Light win with the score of 10!” The Great Hall erupts into cheers as Harry takes the stage once again.

“I’d like to thank my fiancé and future step-son for being my inspiration for this song. Without them none of this would have been possible.”  

 

~Epilogue~

 

Harry and Lucius ran away and got married and lived happily ever after. Draco is still in counseling.

“He just ran away with my Dad, and now he’s my Dad too?”

“And how does this make you feel?”

The End


End file.
